Heavy Silent Weight

I watch you sleeping calmly in the fading light
While my dark thoughts keep me awake all night
I carry a secret that is tearing me apart
A heavy stone resting deep inside my heart
You smile at me and pour my morning coffee cup
I look away before my bitter tears well up
The words of apology are stuck inside my throat
I am sinking slowly in this very tiny boat

The silence in the kitchen feels like a cold knife
I am living a lie inside our peaceful life
Every single kindness makes me feel so much worse
This unspoken truth has become a heavy curse

It is a silent guilt that eats me from inside
There is nowhere left for my heavy soul to hide
I carry the blame while you are completely blind
The hardest prison is the one inside my mind
I want to tell you but I just cannot speak
This terrible secret is making me so weak

We drive along the coast with the radio on loud
But my head is trapped inside a gloomy dark cloud
You hold my hand and talk about our future plans
While the truth is slipping right through my hands
I memorize the gentle lines upon your sweet face
Knowing I do not deserve to be in this place
The ocean breeze cannot wash away my dirty stain
I am entirely consumed by this invisible pain

The silence in the kitchen feels like a cold knife
I am living a lie inside our peaceful life
Every single kindness makes me feel so much worse
This unspoken truth has become a heavy curse

It is a silent guilt that eats me from inside
There is nowhere left for my heavy soul to hide
I carry the blame while you are completely blind
The hardest prison is the one inside my mind
I want to tell you but I just cannot speak
This terrible secret is making me so weak

The evening sun is painting shadows on the wall
I am waiting for the hammer to finally just fall
Your absolute trust is the hardest thing to bear
When I know how badly I have messed up in there
I pour a drink to try and numb the aching sting
But my conscience keeps on pulling every string
I close my eyes and wish that I could just rewind
To leave this awful and painful mistake behind

The silence in the kitchen feels like a cold knife
I am living a lie inside our peaceful life
Every single kindness makes me feel so much worse
This unspoken truth has become a heavy curse

It is a silent guilt that eats me from inside
There is nowhere left for my heavy soul to hide
I carry the blame while you are completely blind
The hardest prison is the one inside my mind
I want to tell you but I just cannot speak
This terrible secret is making me so weak

Maybe tomorrow I will finally find the true nerve
To give you the honesty that you really deserve
But tonight I will swallow the bitter pill again
And live with the sorrow of this silent hidden pain
I hate the coward reflection in the looking glass
Waiting for this heavy and cruel storm to pass
You kiss my cheek and I feel a sudden burn
When will my cowardly nature finally ever learn

It is a silent guilt that eats me from inside
There is nowhere left for my heavy soul to hide
I carry the blame while you are completely blind
The hardest prison is the one inside my mind
I want to tell you but I just cannot speak
This terrible secret is making me so weak

It is a silent guilt that eats me from inside
There is nowhere left for my heavy soul to hide
I carry the blame while you are completely blind
The hardest prison is the one inside my mind
I want to tell you but I just cannot speak
This terrible secret is making me so weak